Phillie Phanatic and Liz Lemon on NBC's "30 Rock"

I’ve never been one of those gals who gabs endlessly about my deep connection with Liz Lemon. I mean, the woman’s hilarious, a true comic heroine, but never before have I felt so tied to her. Until now.

Last night, NBC Thursday aired two “30 Rock” episodes, the first a continuation of last week’s plot and the second, the positively hysterical “The Ballad of Kenneth Parcell.” And it was, far and away, some of the best minutes of television I’ve seen in quite some time. Mostly, the latter had me rolling – actually rofl’ing - because of two key things.

First, Jack brought Phillie Phanatic to the office as part of the one year business-versary of Kabletown’s acquisition of GE Sheinhardt NBC Universal. Phillie Phanatic, y’all. If I were ever to get a major sports team’s mascot tattooed on my body, it would absolutely that guy (tramp stamp, tongue furled into the mouth-thing). I am so pleased that The Best Mascot in Sports had a cameo – with speech. PHILLIE PHANATIC SPEAKS!, though it’s a little disappointing he, it seems, is in fact a he. Sorry, Liz.

In the same two-minute clip, Jack rips on “TGS,” citing the show’s recent poor quality. The skit they cut to? TRACY MORGAN AS JUDGE ITO. The five-year-old version of me (and the stuffed animal I still sleep with named after the Simpson trial judge) is jumping up and down and clapping in utter joy.

Enjoy the clip at the link below, as I can’t get embedding to work right now, and I’m grumpy with it.
http://www.hulu.com/embed/reZz0x7xLakCTMd-mu6y5g/690/833

And, for good measure, be sure to check out Walker’s parody of the “Reading Rainbow” theme, released in October as a book trailer for his memoir, Drinking With Strangers. The video is embedded below, and the book, too, is a real treat. Here’s a teaser: Find out how Walker could have derailed the Creed train!

Happy watching/trumpet-playing.

The Dunce Cap, Vol. 41: You’ve been chosen as an extra in the movie adaptation of the sequel to your life. (click on link to listen to mix via 8tracks or play above)

1. “Shady Lane” – Pavement
2. “Modern Love” – The Last Town Chorus
3. “Dance Music” – The Mountain Goats
4. “I Still Remember” – Bloc Party
5. “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” – Iron & Wine
6. “Poison Oak” – Bright Eyes
7. “Round Here” – Counting Crows
8. “Honolulu Blues” – Craig Finn
9. “Heartbeats” – Jose Gonzalez
10. “Specks” – Matt Pond PA

Welcome back to the Interwebs, guys. It’s been a strange and winding road up ’til now, but I’m really starting to dig this reinvention thing. I know it’s become a bit of a cliche (though I prefer to term it a “mantra”), but I truly believe that, this time around, I woke up new. And what is Barney Stinson’s one rule? “New is always better.“

The site is looking more streamlined and – dare I say it? – professional, and I’m looking svelter, more confident and altogether happier. I’m getting back into the swing of this writing business, and I’m edging into that dangerously peppy territory wherein I just want to high-five everyone always. This mix isn’t really a reflection of that. It sort of is. Kind of. Okay, not all.

These ten really excellent tracks are a mish-mash of things I’ve loved recently. A handful of them (notably “Poison Oak,” “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” and “Heartbeats”) are rediscoveries, while some have been round n’ round my repertoire for years. There’s a more somber note to a number of these songs, but there remains a definite beauty to each one. The Last Town Chorus‘s take on David Bowie’s “Modern Love” is a sweetly feminine, muted departure from the original, but it retains the earnest sting of heartache. And, I’m starting to see a pattern, in that a fair number of the songs I listen to discuss finding god and losing ‘im, but that’s a topic for another time. For now, there’s also the excellent danceabilly-esque lead track from Craig Finn’s upcoming solo album; the lead singer from The Hold Steady named his album, out Jan. 24, “Clear Heart Full Eyes” after the television show “Friday Night Lights.” Such win. There’s also a great single from Pavement‘s 1997 album, Brighten the Corners, as well as truly exceptional Mountain Goats tune that I still can’t quite understand (though I suspect it involves alcoholism, domestic violence and euthanasia, with that last one a bit fuzzier and more ambitious).

As always, happy listening. And don’t you dare judge me for that Iron & Wine jam. It’s on a “Twilight” soundtrack, yes, but it’s also just really damn good.

Oh, and, Luke Perry, ♥, forever n’ always.

I promised you guys a fresh start a while back, and, as you can tell from the total redesign, I’m attempting to make good on that. I’ve redesigned almost the entire site to function primarily as a personal website and professional portfolio for me, but there is still the added bonus jonas! of the Girl With the Dunce Cap as a blog.

Much will remain the same: I’m hoping to get back in the game of mix-making oh-so-soon, though that endeavor hit a snag when the entirety of my music library was swiftly seized. I’m beginning to rebuild but find myself still without a computer, so it may be a slow return. I will continue a sort of steady posting now that I have more regular access to a bank of computers, and, while much of the content on this site will remain my inane musings on popular culture, I will also try to pepper in some short-form fiction and long-form (strongform!) literary nonfiction. This quarter, I aim to wrap up the very last bit of my collegiate experience, and I will be launching an exciting literary endeavor TBA with a good friend. All in all, I will be seeped in the written word, and there should be quite a bit of content to keep your eyes peeled for in the coming weeks. There’s a great deal of external stress currently pummeling me, but I’m confident that, somewhere inside, is an impending happiness.

As always, I’m nearly constantly in transit, so, while I am currently situated in Chicago, that could change rather quickly. I will attempt to keep you, my loyal (and burgeoning) readership up-to-date with my geographical whereabouts. For now, enjoy the new site, and please let me know if you have any suggestions to improve the reader experience.

And, from the news, just a few quick things:

Image credits: AP

1958 Letter from John Steinbeck on Love

John Steinbeck remains one of my very favorite authors – if you have yet to read East of Eden, minimize this window, walk, nay, run, to your nearest library and check it out. Immediately. – and his private correspondences, culled in a 1989 collection, display in beautiful and quaint prose the author’s takes on matters of the head and heart. Perhaps most poignant is a 1958 letter from Steinbeck to his eldest son, Thom, featured this week on The Atlantic. In the letter, Steinbeck offers words of wisdom to his son, who has confessed to a deep crush on a boarding school classmate.

“And don’t worry about losing,” Steinbeck writes. “If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”

This letter and nearly 850 others to family, friends and professional acquaintances can be found in Steinbeck: A Life in Letters, out now from Penguin.

Stay Calm, Scotty

I’ve mentioned previously my dear friend and journalistic peer, Scott, and he has a new blog up that y’all ought to check out. Scott is conquering the newspaper market in coastal Maryland (see his story on the passage of same-sex civil unions in Delaware), but, mark my words – his is a name you’ll hear again and again. His new site includes an essay on why he decided to pursue writing as a profession; the essay is generous on both the laughs and the sincere, and it is surely an indication of what lies ahead. Check it out here.

Protest SOPA/PIPA

That’s pretty straightforward, no? These bills, currently in the house and senate, respectively, will cripple the Internet as we know it, and as an avid Internet user, I am participating in the Internet blackout, scheduled for today, Jan. 18, 2012. My wee li’l blog will be blacked out from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. tomorrow (I think that’s right) in protest. What you’ll see if you visit is a link to sign the petition to tell Congress just what you think of SOPA and PIPA. I’ll see you all back on the web in a day or so.

See also: “A Long December,” Counting Crows; “This Year,” The Mountain Goats; “This Will Be Our Year,” The Zombies (and Foo Fighters cover)(and OK Go cover); “This Will Be My Year,” Semisonic

Happy end of 2011, folks! I hope your year is wrapping up swimmingly, and while mine isn’t perfect, it’s fair, I suppose, to say that I am just grateful it is wrapping up at all.

I don’t want to harp too much on this year, but suffice it to say that 2012 will be different. Better, even, I am convinced. A lot of relationships, opportunities and experiences came together and fell apart this year, but I’m finding it’s unproductive to mourn too much for what I’ve lost (except some weight, hell yeah!). I will, instead, look to the future and to what, I am sure, will be an astounding and developmental year.

Last year, I made a list of 21 resolutions (to celebrate the arrival of my 21st birthday, no doubt), many of which I kept. This was a year of improvement, certainly, but it was also a year that often left me feeling powerless, impotent and generally overwhelmed. I’m finally stumbling into full-fledged adulthood, one mirrored affirmation at a time, and this’ll be the year I stick a landing.

(Resolution no. 1 seriously ought to be perfecting a metaphor/cutting down on cliched phrasings.)

So, for 2012, I’ve tried to narrow my resolutions down to five concise, clear directives.

1. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz

All of the Mayan predictions that the world is going to end are enough to give a girl a loose bladder. There are things within my control, and this is, somewhat unfortunately, not one of them. I’m a worrier by nature, but I’ve realized a lot of what I worry about actually inhibits functioning. I’m trying to cut down on worrying about the actions and thoughts of others, which current technology does not yet allow me to control. Hopefully, if the globe ceases its rotation and/or revolution (I didn’t do much reading on these end-of-world theories. And I didn’t even watch “2012,” despite the lure of Cusack.), my world’ll end in a blaze of glory. And, thanks to help from a few friends, with well-shaped eyebrows.

2. Embrace spontaneity. 

I admit it – I have some control issues. I try to steer outcomes in my favor by contriving scenarios and sowing metaphorical seeds, and I’ve got this pesky habit of always going after what I want – to a fault. I’m Miss Independent, or so I like to proclaim, but I have trouble letting situations play out. I’m often the pursuer, and I’m more often the pusher, and this tends to endanger healthy, natural friendships and relationships. There are surprises I love – the ones I expect – and unplanned adventures I live for, but I need to work a bit more on handing the reins over to someone else. Not Santa, though. We’re in a tiff.

3. Accept my circumstances.

Without going into too much detail, this last month was a cavalcade of disruption. I’m not a religious person, but I’ve long strove to remember the serenity prayer. Hearkening back to that whole control issue, I tend to envy the things others possess but don’t appreciate, and it frustrates me that I can’t choose their circumstances instead. And, much to my dismay, I’ve become one of those complain-y people. I like to think the charisma and optimism I’ve used to define myself are merely latent, and, if I can accept what it is without kicking and screaming too much, I hope to find that I am stronger, more capable and happier. I can’t very well lament my singledom (not as long as Mark Wahlberg remains married) simply because I am coveting what other people have, and, if I’m being honest, what I do not want.

4. Write.

Every day, I’m hustlin’. I succumbed to a fairly unpleasant writers’ block for a good chunk of the year, and I can’t let that happen again. I have many, many texts, essays and articles to compose this year, and, with a little luck, I’ll end the year doing it somewhere airy and calm. This won’t be The Year of My Great American Novel – I’ll save that for my jaded 23rd year – but, at the very least, I can start by letting more people read my work. I’ve tended recently to write and rewrite until I work myself into an editorial tizzy, never allowing anyone else to read even an unpolished copy. In some ways, it’s been a lack of confidence, but the whole purpose of my chosen career path is to have others read it. I figure this li’l blog is a good place to start. Plus, sharing is caring.

5. Cultivate the friendships and relationships I’d miss most if the world actually ended.

With turmoil comes clarity, in some ways, and, as such, I’ve become acutely aware of which relationships in my life are worth maintaining (and that hot pink extra-large Post-It noted list in my planner doesn’t hurt). The rest of you can suck it.

I define myself too often by the relationships I keep, and I am constantly amused and bemused by human interaction. I can feel utter contentment alone in a packed room but find a lack in my own intimate company. I have close friends I’ve yet to meet and good friends with whom years of silence can pass and things can stay exactly the same, and I am indescribably grateful to all. There are those, too, I hardly know but provide a sense of comfort and support I rarely dreamed of. There is something to be said for the kindness of strangers and for the capacity of others to show goodness, and I am amazed by that sort of raw selflessness. I want, this year, to meet in real life (even if it takes anthropomorphic penis drawings to get you here), to stay close even if we end the year knowing each other only digitally, to find a middle ground of home where you all exist together (in my heart), to keep California forever.

And, maybe most of all, I want to write the old-fashioned way. There’s something so eloquent in the tangible mementos of handwritten notes, and there is such childlike ingenuity in awaiting the arrival of the mail. I want that back, even if/when I’m living thousands upon thousands of miles away from those I’ve claimed as family.

This year, I significantly altered my lifestyle. I learned to ask for help (and, to some extent, accept it), embraced physical activity, found ways to channel stress, gained a greater sense of self, put down the Raspberry Newtons (I’ll miss you, old friends) and learned, a bit, to act my age. Plus, I lived in two of America’s drunkest cities this year, and that deserves a toast. I didn’t graduate, but there’s time for that yet, and I’m still learning how to prioritize. I fell in love this year, turning 21 years of foreplay into a torrid affair*, but it’s a relationship that will take time, effort and, likely, counseling to stabilize and solidify.

For now, happy new year, and good riddance, 2011. I’ll check in from Chicago in a few days.

Love,
The Girl (xo,co)

*with myself, bozo. you’re pervy.

I love hot chocolate and snowmen and giant marshmallows and gaudy light displays and crackling fires and hysterically overwrought (and often heartwarming) TV specials and Leslie Knope’s giftgiving. And I love the smell of a fresh-cut fir and the comfort of a cableknit sweater. And, most of all, I love this:

This guy, the storied (and oft-shat upon) Star Wars Holiday Special, has it all. From Chewbacca’s family (with my main man, Lumpy) and a Bea Arthur sing-along to the introduction of Boba Fett and a pseudo-psychadelic Jefferson Starship performance, this 1978 television special is a total gem from start to finish; Harrison Ford has long evaded questions about it, which is no surprise considering his tearjerking performance (“You’re…like family to me!”). Enjoy.

I was gearing up to write a post about the joy of modern Christmas music, but, let’s face it – come tomorrow, you’ll all be sick and tired of it all. Below, though, you’ll find my two favorite Christmas songs.

Jimmy Eat World, “Last Christmas”
From the O.C.’s “A Very Merry Chrismukkah” album (and the Wham! original)

Mariah Carey, “All I Want For Christmas is You”
(and, one of these days, I’ll tell you all why I like Mariah so damn much)

Maybe someday soon I’ll get a Christmas like this.
Because, I should admit, these are the window dressings I’ve always wanted.

For now, the happiest of holidays to you and yours. Merry Christmas, if that’s what you’re into, Happy Life Day to the wookies, Happy (halfway through) Hanukkah, et. al. See you all soon enough.

I’ve spent the last year changing zip codes and time zones every few months, and, while it’s been something of an adventure, it’s nice to have roots somewhere. Atlanta, for all intents and purposes, is that place. Sure, all of my stuff is tossed in haphazardly labeled boxes or strewn in loosely tied dry cleaning bags, and my father has converted my bedroom into his walk-in closet, but it’s the only place I’ve lived in for any substantial period of time. Plus, there’s this real fun (and real, real hairy) guy who likes to bury his head into the couch beside me – and he likes to snuggle, though sometime I hope he’ll return the head rubs – and there are some of the normal creature comforts.

But, as all of you are surely aware, I just finished a three-month tenure in San Francisco, Calif., that bounty of wealth, fog and endless shorelines. In three plus years in Chicago, I found a true sense of home; granted, I had the built-in social networks afforded by being enrolled in a university, but Chicago was, too, a city I could master (and one I cannot wait to return to, but that bucket list is forthcoming). San Francisco was slower to warm to; I fell instantly in love with the city and its gorgeous views, with the rolling hills and the truly stellar burritos, but I didn’t quite learn to call it home. My love affair was brief, if only because I am not yet in the professional and/or emotional position to be a true San Franciscan. It’s, I’ve found, a late-20s and beyond sort of town, whose inhabitants need flexible incomes to be young and in love. I was a poor, if incredibly happy, editorial intern. My time there was reformative, giving me the strength and drive to write again, rebuilding my self-confidence and sculpting my calves (you should seriously see these things; they’re basically registered weapons), but it wasn’t home.

Nevertheless, I left with a cavalcade of exceptional memories; I can’t begin to chronicle them here, but I’m sure you’ll read them woven into future essays. For now, I’ll leave you with a couple of the ones caught on tape.

In October, I won a pair of Treasure Island Music Festival weekend passes from the Bay Bridged by submitting a reworked version of “Patch Adams” starring The Hold Steady. The festival was incredible and gave me glimpses into sets from The Hold Steady, Death Cab, The Head and the Heart, Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks and The Naked and Famous, among so, so many more. But the crowning, uh, achievement, I guess, of the weekend was landing a role in the Ferris Wheel Confessions, brought to the festival jointly by the Bay Bridged and Audyssey. Basically, if you agree to participate, and if you’re one of the few who sign up immediately, you get a free ride on the 60-foot Ferris Wheel; during your ten or so minute ride, you’re asked a handful of questions about your musical proclivities (the more embarrassing, the better), and they capture your responses on film. Post-festival, they mash together all the best moments and release two videos, a teaser and a longer form. Not to brag or whatevs, but I’m featured pretty prominently in both, embedded below. Look out for the girl with the bright, neon yellow hoodie, with hair all tousled (sex-ay) and glasses askew. Gents, the line starts here.

Ferris Wheel Confessions, The Teaser:

Ferris Wheel Confession, The Extended Edition:

The Dunce Cap, Vol. 40: You were right about the stars. Each one is a setting sun. (click on link to listen to mix via 8tracks or play above)

1. “Young Pilgrims” – The Shins
2. “Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam” – The Vaselines
3. “Sketchy Metal” – The Hold Steady
4. “Jesus Christ” – Brand New
5. “Jesus Christ” – Big Star
6. “Jesus, Etc.” – Wilco
7. “Shine On, Sweet Jesus” – The Flaming Lips
8. “Superbowl Jesus” – The Hood Internet
9. “God Only Knows” – The Beach Boys
10. “Me and Jesus Don’t Talk Anymore” – beulah
11. “Jesus the Mexican Boy” – Iron & Wine
12. “Doubting Thomas” – Nickel Creek
13. “I’m Not Jesus” – The Ramones
14. “Above the Waves” – The Jealous Sound
15. “Chocolate Jesus” – Tom Waits
16. “God’s Comic” – Elvis Costello
17. “I Have Forgiven Jesus – Morrissey
18. “Jesusland” – Ben Folds
19. “Let It Be” – The Beatles
20. “Spirit in the Sky” – Norman Greenbaum

Tebow-kily dokily, folks! I’ve spent the day in the throes of full Tebow fandom, a fact I am not embarrassed to share with the whole of the Interwebs, or, y’know, Jen and Bryan, but this slow-movin’ dino-computer has kept me from sharing my thoughts with the world. I’ve been wrestling with a new 8tracks uploading interface for the last four hours, and I’m a bit ornery with technology, so instead of continuing to attempt to post something, I’ll leave you guys with this. This playlist should whet your appetite for what is to come, namely a discussion of Tim Tebow, faith, religion and history’s favorite son.

For this playlist, I’ve chosen twenty superb songs about god, religion and/or lackthereof, none of which are considered “gospel” – unless you count Norman Greenbaum’s fantastically catchy, “Spirit in the Sky,” which I always remember from that one John Travolta movie, “Michael,” where he plays an angel. There were so, so many songs to choose from, and this smattering represents some of my favorites. The Hold Steady, in particular, employs a great bit of biblical imagery (see: “Citrus,” “How a Resurrection Really Feels“), so if you’re looking for more, I suggest you check there first. There were a few honorable mentions (Bright Eyes, “When the President Talks to God,” Butch Walker, “Closer to the Truth and Further From the Sky,” R.E.M., “Losing My Religion“) I would also recommend, but this is a decent place to start.

I’m still having some trouble with the 8tracks interface, and I’m about to crush the computer screen in frustration, so I will attempt to make the edits in the morning, with the promised post forthcoming.

For now, and as always, happy listening.

- my grandmother to my mother upon my parents’ 1982 engagement

I’m in the throes of a sleepless night and taking a bit of a break from writing and transcribing for, uh, some more writing. So I’ll make this quick.

Last week, I confessed to my dear friend Scott that I, despite all of my musical snobbery, don’t hate Nickelback. See, Scott, amongst all of the Nickelback/NFL drama, has started a pretty interesting survey…eh, well, I’d rather not give too much away, but I’m confident it will be awesome. Regardless, the blogosphere’s been vomiting Nickelback anathemas all week, but this video in particular captivated my attention, and it nearly convinced me that my minor nostalgic fascination is actually a-okay. The video’s fairly self-explanatory, but I dare you to complain about it. It’s like they’ve removed all that is Canadian!

Happy watching.